Life

Why is it that i finally feel like life is moving forward and then all of a sudden I feel trapped. Like Life won't allow me to move forward for fear of something. All these people around me are going forward, why am I still so far back? I am trying to persevere to keep going, hopefully only one more year left of school, and then finally I can feel like life might exist.

On the news this morning in Dallas there was a story of a student who was in school in like the 1950's and got all the way through school minus his speech class. He took the class three times and failed all three times. The dean looked at him and said it is not going to happen you might as well move on. He told everyone he got the degree, but truely he was one class short. So now the school is going to grant him the degree now that the speech class has no longer been given for like 30 years. (What I got while driving and listening)

Am I to be one of those students the one who takes six years to graduate who is forever behind in life because school simply was harder, or I had struggles. I know many students exist and go the unconventional route, but I am not supposed to. I recently got yelled at for failing a class, appropriately. But I got yelled at after a month of saying I had failed the class. Of course parents then go into, your not trying hard enough, why aren't you getting help, do you know how much school costs?

Of course I don't know how much school costs, I really pretend like my student loans don't exist.
Of course I am not trying hard enough, the hours and hours doing homework and studying to get an F on test doesn't feel like salt in a wound, instead it is a pleasurable experience.
Of course I am not going in to the professors office so much, that I might very scarly get the pitty grade, you annoyed me so much you get a C so I will never see you again.
Of course the shame of already possibly graduating a year late means nothing, I can just tell people I graduated High School in 2005, and I went to school late which is why I am already 22 going on 23.
Of course when I run into old friends and they say, Hey so you've graduated what are you gonna do now, I get the joy of telling everyone nope I haven't graduated yet, and then the face of "Oh your that type of college student" crosses their face. Really once again it doesn't feel like salt in an open wound, instead it is a joyful moment of pride.

If you haven't got it yet, I am the worst Mathmatics Education Major at Texas State, and painfully know it by having not moved out of the dorm (apartments cost too much), don't have a real job and won't for at least a year (does being head RA make you a manager? And can't we have school in the summer so I can start teaching in May?), and lastly how many times do I have to take history of math to get a C, so that I can never use it to teach Geometry to 10th graders? (do you know how to count by 60's, have you ever heard of such things, No, due to us not being Babylonian and it being completely outdated.)

Finally since of course people in this situation have very supportive family's (sarcastic) they don't stress over being in debt, never seeing the ending light for school, or the fact that they are now the center of the family gossip.